I've just added all of my Christmas/holiday music back to my iPod. I fucking love Christmas music. I'm kind of a misanthrope for most of the year, but the holidays reveal exactly how much of a softy I really am. The holidays, in general, make me happy. I like the cold weather, I like Christmas decorations, I like gift buying, I like gift wrapping, I like "It's a Wonderful Life" (Jimmy Stewart is hotter than people give him credit for) and I LOVE holiday music.

I'll have my 2009 Holiday Music Mix ready in time for Black Friday. It's either holiday music or Michael Jackson in my car after that. Which reminds me, I need to DL the Jackson 5 Christmas album.

I've never been in a fandom with so many wanky flare ups.  Granted, my most recent fandoms have been Private Practice (and we all realize how crappy the show is), Jabbawockeez and [nu]Star Trek.  Maybe I've been spoiled by running in the mellow parts of these fandoms.  But all I want is a place where I can occasionally fangirl without feeling ostracized (and, frankly, without being creeped out by real crazies).   Is that too much to ask?! 

In other news, I ran into my friend JR last night.  Actually, he's my BFF's younger cousin.  Anyway, he's a freshman in college and deep in the competitive and underground hip hop dance scenes.  I was ridiculously excited to find out that he discovered the Off the Wall album and Jackson 5/Jacksons era music after Michael Jackson's death, and that "Off the Wall," "Blame It On the Boogie," and "Working Day and Night" are some of his new favorite songs to dance to.  He declared that Off the Wall may be his favorite album ever.  We also bonded a little bit over how shitty commercial radio is, especially hip hop. 

*sniff*  Finally, the youth of America makes me proud.  :D  It helps that he's an all around good kid, too. 

I think I might be over this season of America's Best Dance Crew already.  The only crew I really like is Rhythm City.  Everyone else is very, very meh.   I know I'm supposed to like Vogue Evolution, but I'm not that impressed by them.  Yes, Leyomi is fierce, but sometimes her foot placements are distractingly awkward, and the crew as a whole definitely needs to sharpen up.   

Honestly, the show might've peaked in Season 1 with the MJ Thriller challenged (two of my favorite things:  MJ and Jabba).  Season 2 was ok (Supreme Soul initially put me off with their schtick, but had some great performances.  Fanny Pak and Super Cr3w had some great routines, too).  Season three was very good with a tight competition between Beat Freaks and Quest.  Maybe it's too early to officially call it, but this season looks like the worst of the four. 

WTH, can't one of my dance reality shows be good this year? 

Yeah, I'm still listening to Michael Jackson and Michael Jackson-adjacent music (J5, Jacksons, Janet, various collabos).  Yes, it's starting to get to my carpool buddies.  :) 

But something new-ish (for me): 

This is a translated blog post, from an Iranian protester. 

“Tomorrow is a big day, maybe I’ll get killed tomorrow!” 

“I will participate in the demonstrations tomorrow. Maybe they will turn violent. Maybe I will be one of the people who is going to get killed. I’m listening to all my favorite music. I even want to dance to a few songs. I always wanted to have very narrow eyebrows. Yes, maybe I will go to the salon before I go tomorrow! There are a few great movie scenes that I also have to see. I should drop by the library, too. It’s worth to read the poems of Forough and Shamloo again. All family pictures have to be reviewed, too. I have to call my friends as well to say goodbye. All I have are two bookshelves which I told my family who should receive them. I’m two units away from getting my bachelors degree but who cares about that. My mind is very chaotic. I wrote these random sentences for the next generation so they know we were not just emotional and under peer pressure. So they know that we did everything we could to create a better future for them. So they know that our ancestors surrendered to Arabs and Mongols but did not surrender to despotism. This note is dedicated to tomorrow’s children…”

The bravery of these men and women, fighting and dying for their vote.  It humbles me.  It should put the people of this nation to shame.  This is evidence that there is nothing American or Western or Christian about the desire for freedom.  It is a human desire that knows no borders or color or religion.   

I pray for these people.  I pray for their safety.  I pray for those that I fear will be killed tomorrow.  I pray that they will not die in vain, that Iran will see a new revolution, as peacefully as possible.  From an a Vietnamese American Catholic:  Allahu Akbar. 

To be sure.

I want to see Star Trek again.  I've already seen it twice.  But not yet in an IMAX theater.  Stupid movie, making me love Spock and Kirk and Uhura and Sulu and Chekov and  Scotty.  Yeah, I pretty much loved everyone in this.  

And now I can't stop reading ST fan fiction.  Spock/Uhura fanfic, specifically.  It's weird, I cannot get through Spock/Kirk slash fic, but I think Quinto and Pine would make a really adorable couple.    I'm really neutral on Sylar in Heroes, but now I think Zach Quinto is as cute as a button.

I also now want to rent Wrath of Khan (Trek II)  and The Voyage  Home (Trek IV).

 

I'm in one of my moods.  And its so lonely when all you want is for someone to pay attention to your problems.Or care a little bit.  But there isn't.   

:(


And Scrubs didn't help by setting off the water works.    

Don't worry, there's not a lot of religious talk here.  I've just been thinking about sacrifices and self-improvement since Ash Wednesday is this week. 

I'm beginning to seriously think about how my chronic sadness effects the people around me (I don't know that what I have really counts as depression, clinically).  I think it must be emotionally exhausting trying to be friends with someone who doesn't like themselves very much.  Most people have their own bullshit to deal with, I'm sure they don't need the baggage of trying to perk up someone else all the time. 

Maybe it's time for me to look into therapy.  I have good insurance.  If I have the time, maybe I'll do it.  That would be a big step for me, because there are lots of things I keep to myself (despite my verbal diarrhea).  And I'm Asian and Catholic, so shame and guilt should make for some uncomfortable sessions.  

I don't know, I'm still not that comfortable with the idea.  Maybe I'll hit the gym again.  I've heard that regular exercise boosts mood.  Could help with some other issues, too. 

We shall see.

Or "Tam Rides the Waaaaahmbulance Parte the 425, 697th"

This weekend sucked. 

Friday

Friday was the first state employees' furlough day.  Day off good, no pay bad. 

Saturday. 

As I shut the door to my bedroom, I think to myself "Do I have my keys?"  *click*  No.  I DO NOT.  So now I have to pay $60 for some guy to come out and pick my lock.  Except it won't open, so he just has to break the doorknob.  Shit.  Now I have to replace the doorknob, too. 
Anyway, once I get inside, I accidentally close the door behind me, as I do, and *click* it locks behind me.  The door handles are outside.  But the locked tumblers are still in the door.  I've now locked myself in my bedroom.  At least Anthony was home to break me out. 

Sunday.

I wake up later than I intended.  I look around to see why my cell phone didn't go off.  Funny answer.  The phone was in a fucking glass of water.  The night before, I took a glass of water to my bedroom so I could take some pills before sleep.  I set the half-full glass of water down on my nightstand.  It was dark, and I guess when I thought I was setting my phone down in the junk box I happened drop it neatly in the glass.  Idiot.

Later, I leave my lights on while I'm at the movies.  Stupid.  The person parked next to me happens along fairly quickly and offers me a jump.  After successfully starting up my car, I take off the jumper cables I accidentally touch the two metal parts of the clamp together and damn near set myself on fire. 

~~~

You guys, I am too dumb to live.  

I passed the bar!!!  YAY!  I don't have to do it again!  I get promoted from "Graduate Legal Assistant" to "Staff Counsel."  I get to sign my name "sobe_sf, Esq."  I'm not over-the-top ecstatic because that's not my nature, but I'm very, very relieved and I'm happy. 

But then I had to go and get a haircut.  BANGS TRAUMA REDUX!  Perhaps even shorter than the photo below.  I really like the rest of my hair, but the bangs.  Oh, the bangs...

OMG:  Sooooooooooo short.  My bangs are up above my eyebrows.  I should have shown the lady who's never cut my hair before a picture before I let her start cutting. 

This is actually a halfway decent picture of my melon, but trust me, it looks a lot worse normally.  This is as long as I could get my bangs with a flat iron.  But if I don't flat iron, I have a weird wave in my hair that makes my bangs weirdly poofy.

 

PMS is a bitch.  And I should stay far, far away from funerals. 

I have never watched an episode of Meet the Press.  Not because I don't care about politics or news, but because I usually don't wake up on Sundays until those shows a long over.  But I thought the Tim Russert tributes were really, really touching.  Yesterday night, after a long day, I sat down and watched a memorial service for a man I didn't know, who I rarely watched on TV.  And I was honestly moved to tears.  It wasn't the professional achievements he accomplished, it was the personal notes that were really touching.  That so many people--his co-workers, his superiors, his subordinates, the people he covered, friends, strangers--mourned his loss and eulogized him so warmly made me cry.  He was clearly loved by the people that knew him personally, and he seems to have raised a wonderful son.

Maybe I'm particularly sensitive because of all the mortality issues surrounding my mom's health, and because of my own health issues (though my problems don't even compare, clearly).   But what I took away from the media's coverage of Tim Russert's death was that his was the kind of legacy I'd be proud to leave behind. 

  

I officially love Dr. Drew.  Alright, so I loved him before this, but he's even more awesome than I had imagined.  On a whim, I MySpace-messaged his account.  I wrote that I was working on a bioethics paper on Celebrity Rehab.  Honestly, I was expecting no response at all and I was fully prepared to write in my paper that I attempted to contact him, but received no reply.  I would've been ok with that because, really, when does the man sleep?  My jaw literally dropped when I saw that he had messaged me back, wanting to arrange a phone call to adequately discuss the issue. 

I talked to him tonight for about half an hour.  We covered a lot of ground and he gave me a lot of details.  It was great.  And I only made as ass out of myself a tiny bit, in the beginning when I unnecessarily gave him a short bio on me.   But whatever,  the conversation was a tremendous help to me and he offered more help if I needed it.   Yay.  Dr. Drew is good people. 

Yeah, objectivity may be a little bit of a problem in my term paper. 

Someone linked me to the Garfield Minus Garfield site, and, oh my God, I'm identifying far too much with crazy John Arbuckle. 







That is me at my self-loathiest best. 

I'm scared.  Graduation is coming so fast, and I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed.  I feel like I'm not ready to grow up.  My current work wants me after graduation, and that's awesome, but I've convinced myself that I'm going to fuck up and get myself fired.  That's all assuming that I pass the bar the first time around.  And that I graduate (though I'd really have to screw up not to graduate). 

Why don't I have any self-confidence?  I'm too damn old to be this emo. 

In an attempt to find something to relieve my coughing and allow me to sleep, I cracked and bought a vaporizer for my bedroom.  I plugged it in while wearing my plastic-framed glasses and unsexy pjs.  And then it dawned on me that Liz Lemon/Tina Fey is my hero.  Me and just about every other geeky/awkward fully-grown woman.   I wish I was half as funny, cute, successful, etc.  And, seriously, Floyd is perfect.   Though, Tina love aside, I voted Obama. 

Typing this out reinforces how much of a dork I am. 

I'm so, so tired.  And sick.  Waaah.




 

I'm sick.  Again.  My immune system is so frickin' lame.  Not just the sniffles, we're talking hacking coughs, sore throat, aches, head congestion and occasional puking.  Stupid worthless flu shot.  I'm such awful company when I'm sick.  When I feel this bad, I make sure to let everyone know.  (I attribute this to my Catholic suffering compulsion.)  I'm not exactly whiny and I'm not looking for sympathy (though I'll accept it), but I just love talking about how miserable I am.  In detail.  Which...kinda sounds like whining. but I still think I'm more descriptive than complain-y.

But not all is bad.  I feel super crappy, but I needed to get out of the house to run errands and pay some bills.  I figured that I might feel better if I prettied myself up, so I put on my face.  Not my law-school-prom face, but closer to my fancy-dinner face.  And this store clerk flirted with me.  He left, came back and flirted some more.  Now this doesn't happen to me often anyway, so it was even more surprising that it happened when I could barely keep my dinner down.  I wanted to die a little less. 

And I have supremely good news.  My work (I'm a paid extern) offered me a job after graduation.  WOO! I was going to ask them about a possible postion eventually, but they approached me about it.  I told them I was interested and my supervisor said she'd get the paperwork started.  My dream job is still that NLRB Field Attorney position I interviewed for a couple of weeks ago, but it's great to have the respect of my supervisors and it's great to have some security for after graduation. 

I'm actually having a really good week!  It's so unusual for me to have good things to say about myself and my life.  I'm actually trying to give up being self-loathing and self-deprecation for Lent.  But this post is is about good stuff. 

1)  I had a really good job interview this Wednesday with the National Labor Relations Board.  This is a job I'd really, really love to have.  It's government (I know I'm not big-time firm material) and, more importantly, it's labor law!  It's funny that I only took labor law because of a scheduling snafu, and it became my favorite area of law.  It's the one subject I still get really fired up about.  And I think that enthusiasm really showed through at the interview.  The interviewer was also really interested in my Wal-Mart background.  I got a lot of positive feedback from the him and I came out of that interview feeling better than I had in a long time.  He said he'd recommend me for a second interview, so *fingers crossed*. 

2)  I was already enjoying the week because of the glorious Conan/Colbert/Stewart crossover.  That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen on late night tv.  I love the three of them, though Conan's my original and current favorite.  Late Night was on fire all week.  Besides the brawl, we got the speed tour of 30 Rockefeller, superdesk and ring spin record breaking!  I love that he had an MIT physicist on the show to help him beat his ring spin personal best.  Nerd love. 

3) All indications point to a resolution of the strike sometime this week.  Possibly as early as Monday.  I hope it's a decent deal, and something that the majority of writers can really live with.  If that happens and I get my shows back this season, then I'm a happy camper.

4)  And tonight was Law School Prom.  It's officially called "Over the Hump," but let's call a spade a spade.  It's prom.  I had a good time, despite being the dateless 5th wheel.  Me, Julie and Yomei get better acquainted with Julia's fiance.  I got to dress up.  I got more buzzed than I've probably ever been in my life.  Nothing embarrassing happened.  It was all good. 

Now If I could sleep for 16 hours and awake to magically completed basic finance homework, it'd be the perfect week. 

I got my glasses today.  I was worried that I made a rash decision last week, but no, I still love them.  Totally worth it.  Bonus:  clear vision!  My last pair was at least 5 years old. 

 


Now I just have to make sure I don't lose these glasses within a week.