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“Tomorrow is a big day, maybe I’ll get killed tomorrow!”
“I will participate in the demonstrations tomorrow. Maybe they will turn violent. Maybe I will be one of the people who is going to get killed. I’m listening to all my favorite music. I even want to dance to a few songs. I always wanted to have very narrow eyebrows. Yes, maybe I will go to the salon before I go tomorrow! There are a few great movie scenes that I also have to see. I should drop by the library, too. It’s worth to read the poems of Forough and Shamloo again. All family pictures have to be reviewed, too. I have to call my friends as well to say goodbye. All I have are two bookshelves which I told my family who should receive them. I’m two units away from getting my bachelors degree but who cares about that. My mind is very chaotic. I wrote these random sentences for the next generation so they know we were not just emotional and under peer pressure. So they know that we did everything we could to create a better future for them. So they know that our ancestors surrendered to Arabs and Mongols but did not surrender to despotism. This note is dedicated to tomorrow’s children…”
The bravery of these men and women, fighting and dying for their vote. It humbles me. It should put the people of this nation to shame. This is evidence that there is nothing American or Western or Christian about the desire for freedom. It is a human desire that knows no borders or color or religion.
I pray for these people. I pray for their safety. I pray for those that I fear will be killed tomorrow. I pray that they will not die in vain, that Iran will see a new revolution, as peacefully as possible. From an a Vietnamese American Catholic: Allahu Akbar.
- Mood:nervous
I want to see Star Trek again. I've already seen it twice. But not yet in an IMAX theater. Stupid movie, making me love Spock and Kirk and Uhura and Sulu and Chekov and Scotty. Yeah, I pretty much loved everyone in this.
And now I can't stop reading ST fan fiction. Spock/Uhura fanfic, specifically. It's weird, I cannot get through Spock/Kirk slash fic, but I think Quinto and Pine would make a really adorable couple. I'm really neutral on Sylar in Heroes, but now I think Zach Quinto is as cute as a button.
I also now want to rent Wrath of Khan (Trek II) and The Voyage Home (Trek IV).
:(
And Scrubs didn't help by setting off the water works.
I'm beginning to seriously think about how my chronic sadness effects the people around me (I don't know that what I have really counts as depression, clinically). I think it must be emotionally exhausting trying to be friends with someone who doesn't like themselves very much. Most people have their own bullshit to deal with, I'm sure they don't need the baggage of trying to perk up someone else all the time.
Maybe it's time for me to look into therapy. I have good insurance. If I have the time, maybe I'll do it. That would be a big step for me, because there are lots of things I keep to myself (despite my verbal diarrhea). And I'm Asian and Catholic, so shame and guilt should make for some uncomfortable sessions.
I don't know, I'm still not that comfortable with the idea. Maybe I'll hit the gym again. I've heard that regular exercise boosts mood. Could help with some other issues, too.
We shall see.
This weekend sucked.
Friday
Friday was the first state employees' furlough day. Day off good, no pay bad.
Saturday.
As I shut the door to my bedroom, I think to myself "Do I have my keys?" *click* No. I DO NOT. So now I have to pay $60 for some guy to come out and pick my lock. Except it won't open, so he just has to break the doorknob. Shit. Now I have to replace the doorknob, too.
Anyway, once I get inside, I accidentally close the door behind me, as I do, and *click* it locks behind me. The door handles are outside. But the locked tumblers are still in the door. I've now locked myself in my bedroom. At least Anthony was home to break me out.
Sunday.
I wake up later than I intended. I look around to see why my cell phone didn't go off. Funny answer. The phone was in a fucking glass of water. The night before, I took a glass of water to my bedroom so I could take some pills before sleep. I set the half-full glass of water down on my nightstand. It was dark, and I guess when I thought I was setting my phone down in the junk box I happened drop it neatly in the glass. Idiot.
Later, I leave my lights on while I'm at the movies. Stupid. The person parked next to me happens along fairly quickly and offers me a jump. After successfully starting up my car, I take off the jumper cables I accidentally touch the two metal parts of the clamp together and damn near set myself on fire.
~~~
You guys, I am too dumb to live.
But then I had to go and get a haircut. BANGS TRAUMA REDUX! Perhaps even shorter than the photo below. I really like the rest of my hair, but the bangs. Oh, the bangs...
- Mood:Too traumatized to post a pic
This is actually a halfway decent picture of my melon, but trust me, it looks a lot worse normally. This is as long as I could get my bangs with a flat iron. But if I don't flat iron, I have a weird wave in my hair that makes my bangs weirdly poofy.
I have never watched an episode of Meet the Press. Not because I don't care about politics or news, but because I usually don't wake up on Sundays until those shows a long over. But I thought the Tim Russert tributes were really, really touching. Yesterday night, after a long day, I sat down and watched a memorial service for a man I didn't know, who I rarely watched on TV. And I was honestly moved to tears. It wasn't the professional achievements he accomplished, it was the personal notes that were really touching. That so many people--his co-workers, his superiors, his subordinates, the people he covered, friends, strangers--mourned his loss and eulogized him so warmly made me cry. He was clearly loved by the people that knew him personally, and he seems to have raised a wonderful son.
Maybe I'm particularly sensitive because of all the mortality issues surrounding my mom's health, and because of my own health issues (though my problems don't even compare, clearly). But what I took away from the media's coverage of Tim Russert's death was that his was the kind of legacy I'd be proud to leave behind.
- Mood:studying for the bar sucks
I bought a new laptop yesterday night. I was hoping the old one would last forever, especially because my mom gave it to me for Christmas three and a half years ago (!) and because I just recently extended the warranty on it. But, no. It's getting old and starting to lose keys. First it was D. Then it was Caps Lock. Tab is just hanging on by a thread. Last year I had the power jack replaced for the third time, and the motherboard pooped out, too. Old Bessie Mae is worn out and needs to be retired. My teenage brother said he'd give her a good home. I just need to send it in to have the keyboard fixed and it'll be ok for surfing and stuff.
I got another Toshiba. The Fry's guy was pretty cool, I told him I was a student and I was in the market for a mid-priced laptop. He took me over to the Toshiba a215-S6814. Really nice feature set (2GB RAM, 250GB hard drive, etc) for $800, down from $1000 (it's being replaced by a newer model and I got the last one). Really cool, since I was prepared to spend $1000-1200. So far, it's been great. The customer reviews online were generally positive, and the only problem mentioned was remedied by a Toshiba patch. Sweet.
And my other purchase was a new digital camera. Despite my several years in the 1Hr Photo/Camera Department, I never actually bought a camera for myself. But since I was laying down a grand on a new computer, I went whole hog and got a new camera too. Weirdly, I feel like I should be sticking to film, old fogey that I am, but the camera was too cute. Here she is:
I'm a Canon girl all the way. Basically the same camera as the SD 1000, but has image stabilization, an extra megapixel of resolution and a slightly cuter design. Solid camera, really nice picture quality. No manual settings, but I'm no Ansel Adams, so I'll live. Got a good deal on Amazon. Sells for $250 in-store (plus tax), but got it for $218, free shipping, no tax. Sweet! I'll be packing it at graduation. (Assuming I pass all my finals.)
*Interesting. My gadgets are apparently female.
I talked to him tonight for about half an hour. We covered a lot of ground and he gave me a lot of details. It was great. And I only made as ass out of myself a tiny bit, in the beginning when I unnecessarily gave him a short bio on me. But whatever, the conversation was a tremendous help to me and he offered more help if I needed it. Yay. Dr. Drew is good people.
Yeah, objectivity may be a little bit of a problem in my term paper.
- Mood:excited
That is me at my self-loathiest best.
I'm scared. Graduation is coming so fast, and I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed. I feel like I'm not ready to grow up. My current work wants me after graduation, and that's awesome, but I've convinced myself that I'm going to fuck up and get myself fired. That's all assuming that I pass the bar the first time around. And that I graduate (though I'd really have to screw up not to graduate).
Why don't I have any self-confidence? I'm too damn old to be this emo.
Typing this out reinforces how much of a dork I am.
I'm so, so tired. And sick. Waaah.
- Mood:bitch is the new black
But not all is bad. I feel super crappy, but I needed to get out of the house to run errands and pay some bills. I figured that I might feel better if I prettied myself up, so I put on my face. Not my law-school-prom face, but closer to my fancy-dinner face. And this store clerk flirted with me. He left, came back and flirted some more. Now this doesn't happen to me often anyway, so it was even more surprising that it happened when I could barely keep my dinner down. I wanted to die a little less.
And I have supremely good news. My work (I'm a paid extern) offered me a job after graduation. WOO! I was going to ask them about a possible postion eventually, but they approached me about it. I told them I was interested and my supervisor said she'd get the paperwork started. My dream job is still that NLRB Field Attorney position I interviewed for a couple of weeks ago, but it's great to have the respect of my supervisors and it's great to have some security for after graduation.
- Location:bed
- Mood:nauseated
- Music:while my guitar gently weeps, jake shimabukuro
1) I had a really good job interview this Wednesday with the National Labor Relations Board. This is a job I'd really, really love to have. It's government (I know I'm not big-time firm material) and, more importantly, it's labor law! It's funny that I only took labor law because of a scheduling snafu, and it became my favorite area of law. It's the one subject I still get really fired up about. And I think that enthusiasm really showed through at the interview. The interviewer was also really interested in my Wal-Mart background. I got a lot of positive feedback from the him and I came out of that interview feeling better than I had in a long time. He said he'd recommend me for a second interview, so *fingers crossed*.
2) I was already enjoying the week because of the glorious Conan/Colbert/Stewart crossover. That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen on late night tv. I love the three of them, though Conan's my original and current favorite. Late Night was on fire all week. Besides the brawl, we got the speed tour of 30 Rockefeller, superdesk and ring spin record breaking! I love that he had an MIT physicist on the show to help him beat his ring spin personal best. Nerd love.
3) All indications point to a resolution of the strike sometime this week. Possibly as early as Monday. I hope it's a decent deal, and something that the majority of writers can really live with. If that happens and I get my shows back this season, then I'm a happy camper.
4) And tonight was Law School Prom. It's officially called "Over the Hump," but let's call a spade a spade. It's prom. I had a good time, despite being the dateless 5th wheel. Me, Julie and Yomei get better acquainted with Julia's fiance. I got to dress up. I got more buzzed than I've probably ever been in my life. Nothing embarrassing happened. It was all good.
Now If I could sleep for 16 hours and awake to magically completed basic finance homework, it'd be the perfect week.
- Mood:sleepy
Now I just have to make sure I don't lose these glasses within a week.
- Music:Kiss My Sass, Cobra Starship
- Just FYI: Britney Spears is on a Probate conservatorship, not an LPS conservatorship. The effect is essentially the same, with a conservator getting control over her person and her estate. But the statutory bases and the processes are different. LPS conservatorships are specifically for people with psychiatric disorders, and they take longer to initiate. To my knowledge, temporary conservatorships pursuant to the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act will only be appointed after the 5150 (3-day hold) and the 5250 (14-day hold); after doctors have tried intensive treatment had a chance to evaluate the person. LPS conservatorships are for people who are gravely disabled due to a psychiatric condition. I don't know that much about probate conservatorships, except that they're pursuant to the Probate Code (duh), and they're not restricted to people psychiatric disorders. They're also the kind of conservatorships that elderly people with dementia are placed on. The process moves faster--Britney's been hospitalized only 2 days. I'm not sure about the legal standards, and the process of challenging the probate conservatorship is different than challenging an LPS hold/conservatorship. Anyway, I just wanted to be a know-it-all. I really do wish Britney the best of luck. She could've been one of my clients last the summer.
- I'm under so much stress, you guys. My mom. My dad. That other family situation. My health--I was really sick for two weeks. Flu shots are such a crock of poo. And when I went for an eye exam last weekend, my blood pressure reading was 158/99! That's crazy high. I've missed classes because I'm so stressed out and sick and exhausted. Trying to catch u on the reading and everything isn't exactly helping with the stress. Blerg. (Yes, I went to the doctor.)
- The short-term answer to the aforementioned stress problem? Retail therapy. I finally decided that I deserved to have nice things and I went eyeglass shopping. I got talked into these super-cute, way-too-expensive designer frames. Prada, baby! My cute salesguy actually liked the cheaper Ray-Bans better, but his co-workers all voted Prada. I'm a total sucker--but they're so, so cute! (Pictures to follow soon.) Unfortunately, my lenses weren't in stock and I have to wait longer for them. Denied in my quest for instant gratification at the eyeglasses place, I popped over to Macy's, got a makeover at Bobbi Brown and bought me some makeup. Woo! It's too bad that I spilled half of the new bottle of foundation on a new sweater not two days later. This is not shaping up to be my year. At least the spilled makeup's not bothering me as much as I thought it would.
- This Conan-Colbert-Stewart feud helps, too. Colbert is my current tv-husband, but despite that bond, my loyalty lies with Conan here. I've been watching and loving Conan for about 10 years. I'm totally Team Ginger. But bring back the strike beard!
- This is admittedly a little silly, but I'm writing my Bioethics term paper on Celebrity Rehab. Well, it's technically about the ethical considerations involved in televising people going through drug addiction and rehabilitation: exploitation, confidentiality, doctor-patient bonds, informed consent, societal response and maybe celebrity and addiction. I thought the topic was really timely, considering the show debuted three weeks ago amid a flurry of hand-wringing reviews and now it's apparently the highest-rated show on cable. I thought the topic would be fun and engaging. Not just for my audience. I hope it'll keep me interested during the writing process. I'm also stoked that my copious tv-watching finally has a purpose! I was watching anyway, because I'm pathetically addicted to "celebreality" and because my love for Dr. Drew dates back to 1995. But now I can say that I'm watching VH1 for academic purposes.
- Mood:stressed
- Music:My Hit and Run, Third Eye Blind
I don't want winter break to end. Not that my break was much to write home about. I spent a lot of my time at the hospital with my mom, watching DVDs with my brothers, listening to other people's drama. Still, my last semester of law school starts tomorrow, and it's hard to get back into the swing of things. Dropping $500 on textbooks was pretty painful. And now that I've purchased these books, I've got to do the first-day reading for my five classes tomorrow (my busiest day: 9am-8pm). Luckily I get to do this reading at my place here, where my bedroom is a toasty 54 degrees. I did turn the heat on, but I just wanted to whine.
Oh well. I just hope this semester goes well. I hope I don't make as ass out of myself when I get called on, I hope I can still have my social life (such as it is) and I hope my externship goes well. Even though the Department is let me stay on for another semester, I can't help feeling that I'm a disappointment. There were times when I was a little distracted last semester, and I'm just praying my supervisor doesn't think I'm a flake. I have to rock this semester, because they have job openings and I don't have a post-law school job lined up.
- Mood:cold
Today was great retail therapy for any lingering holiday blahs. I got a new coat! One that is pretty and is slimming and fits and was on sale. Did I mention that it fits my fat ass? Woo! I also picked up a new gel eyeliner. I forgot my Benefit cake eyeliner (it's a great, old-school eyeliner) back at school and I wanted to try something different. I hope this Victoria's Secret liner works out. I'm hoping it can 1) draw a more precise line and 2) smudge better. Two seemingly opposing goals, yet I remain ever optimistic. Even if it sucks, it was just twelve bucks.
- Mood:filling the void with stuff
Today I got a flat tire, but I only found out about it after driving on it for about 10 miles (yeah, I'm dumb). As soon as I could, I pulled into a gas station and the owner was nice enough to change my tire for me. The spare was under-inflated, but better that than the full-on flat I had before. I took the highway to the next exit because I knew that there were a couple of tire shops in the area. Stupidly, I took the exit too fast for my little spare tire to handle, and my car fishtailed and swerved out of control. I'm lucky I didn't roll my car. I eventually came to rest in the grassy area in the middle of one of those exit circles, whatever they're called. I did a cursory inspection of the exterior of my vehicle, and it doesn't look like I've done too much damage. For all I know I could have totally screwed up something important in my car, and I'm still not sure of the protocol for this kind of situation, but I decided it was ok to make my way--at a very, very cautious pace-- to the tire place. Which is where I type this now. Everything seems to be ok, but it was kinda scary. Now I have to see how much I have to pay for fix this mess I made.
I'll be lighter-than-expected in the wallet and driving like a grandma for the next few days.
- Mood:embarrassed
Merry Ludichristmas (and Happy Nude Year)
Sleigh Ride, Reliant K
Donde Esta Santa Claus?, Guster
Elf's Lament, Barenaked Ladies
Christmas Wrapping, The Waitresses
Christmas Time (Don't Let the Bells End), The Darkness
Run Rudolph Run, Hanson
Last Christmas, Wham!
Oi to the World, No Doubt
Sleigh Ride, Los Straitjackets
Green Christmas, Barenaked Ladies
Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee
12 Days of Christmas, Reliant K
Little Drummer Boy, Aly & AJ
Santa, Baby, Carmen Electra/Pussy Cat Dolls
In Like a Lion (Always Winter), Reliant K
Happy Christmas (War Is Over), Sarah McLachlan
Auld Lang Syne, Reliant K
( Read more... )
- Location:In bed with my laptop
- Mood:sleepy
- Music:Barenaked For the Holidays
