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My weekend of woe

Or "Tam Rides the Waaaaahmbulance Parte the 425, 697th"

This weekend sucked. 

Friday

Friday was the first state employees' furlough day.  Day off good, no pay bad. 

Saturday. 

As I shut the door to my bedroom, I think to myself "Do I have my keys?"  *click*  No.  I DO NOT.  So now I have to pay $60 for some guy to come out and pick my lock.  Except it won't open, so he just has to break the doorknob.  Shit.  Now I have to replace the doorknob, too. 
Anyway, once I get inside, I accidentally close the door behind me, as I do, and *click* it locks behind me.  The door handles are outside.  But the locked tumblers are still in the door.  I've now locked myself in my bedroom.  At least Anthony was home to break me out. 

Sunday.

I wake up later than I intended.  I look around to see why my cell phone didn't go off.  Funny answer.  The phone was in a fucking glass of water.  The night before, I took a glass of water to my bedroom so I could take some pills before sleep.  I set the half-full glass of water down on my nightstand.  It was dark, and I guess when I thought I was setting my phone down in the junk box I happened drop it neatly in the glass.  Idiot.

Later, I leave my lights on while I'm at the movies.  Stupid.  The person parked next to me happens along fairly quickly and offers me a jump.  After successfully starting up my car, I take off the jumper cables I accidentally touch the two metal parts of the clamp together and damn near set myself on fire. 

~~~

You guys, I am too dumb to live.